When Beauty Vexes Beast

http://bkhush.com/dev/content/when-beauty-vexes-beast

Submitted by Ruby Sahay on Wed, 10/24/2012 - 06:55

Posted in 

• Relationships

  (A he-man account of spousal familiarity)

I kicked off celibacy only to realize that clearing the clogged shower is a ritual that I shall have to live with for the rest of my life. The shower drain, wordlessly, almost as still as a mouse awaits my ingress after she’s reviled it with her follicular strands of myriad hues. I had known fringes and locks to exist in shades of black or brown and perhaps grey if she were older, but she’s introduced me to colours, the names of which I’ve never learnt at the nursery school - brunette, auburn and burgundy. Whew! There’s a lot to attain as I go on, staggeringly, tediously!

Well, well, just when I plonk myself on the couch and cruise channels on the telly while hungrily previsioning a sizeable meal, she declares with vehemence that she’s in no mood to fix the feed. With not enough options, I take her out to a close-at-hand joint for a decent meal in order to assuage my already rumbling tummy. Half way through the chow down she declares she is stuffed. And I’ve barely eaten! To round off a full course meal, I order a tiramisu pudding, just one, for she is already full. The sight of the arrival warms me generously to offer to her a spoonful to sample. And there she goes, not one, not two, but several spoons until I realize that it is I who has done the sampling. I do solemnly admit that life, for the likes of me, comes in bite sized bits, and we have to contend with that.

We decide to head off on a holiday, and I come back home the evening before with my car all tuned for the week-long run. As I walk into our ‘abode’ I’m awakened to the shocking revelation that my partner has exhausted her brimming wardrobe and awaits a shopping trip to revamp the same, and all this before we pack off on our venture. I suggest with the deepest sigh ever, that a few casuals, in case she disdains the idea of being pictured in the same ones in different snapshots, would rightly do the job. She instinctively refuses. I, who am constantly working on ideas to reach an accord, suggest that we could indulge in a bit of shopping at a newer outlet in the new place. The idea is met with an acceptance and is already being looked forward to with an earnestness you cannot fathom. Boy! How easily I learn that in pursuit of harmony, I shall have to be my salvager. Yes, destination signed in, I propose to take her to the Mediterranean restaurant which promises a distinctive platter of indulgence. Dolly’s evidently vexed with the excursion that was solely intended to be a joyride for her. All she pronounces is, “Whatever, I’m okay with anything!’’ And now when the ‘shawarma’ comes with a ‘tahini’ that does not befriend her taut palate, pop comes the retort, “You know how SICK I’ve grown of the same old falafel and shawarma, we’d rather gone for Chinese!!” Ugh! When did she tell me that? And now as I flop myself down on the hotel bed, enormously tired of the day’s expedition, she stands right there in the middle of the room, cross-examining every piece of furniture with a roving eye and finally blurts, “Could we check out the other rooms, as well? This one doesn’t seem to offer such a magnificent view.” God! Why don’t you just hit the sack? You badly need cool off!

Our tastes do never converge on our choice of books. But as I sit down with the fat thriller I have been intending reading for days, she at once grabs it, gormandizes it for a week and once finished she throws it away in a nook only to declare, “What rubbish!”

She’s ALWAYS there offering an assessment on almost anything and everything that meets her eyes and ears. Gosh! Does she ever realize what a slob she appears with her presumptions and unwanted sentiments? And inadvertently if I ever disclose the unfounded, unwarranted, I’m subjected to a judiciary which perhaps surpasses the strictest courts of justice!! I did have the license to do what I wanted yet I abandoned all that for an association that promised a harmony in its being. And now as I sail through the choppy waters of an alliance that can be felt only upon taking the plunge, I do hope for a small bit of fair weather. Someday I hope to be accepted for not being a mind reader, and I choose not to be spoken in hints but clear words preferably a trite ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Whenever I am glued to my favourite soccer match on television, I would like to be spoken to only during commercial breaks. And, please do not get your antennas up each time my cell phone rings,after all it doesn't always pay to be such a store-house of knowledge. When we have to go out, I should not be subjected to the torture of having to approve of your outfit. You can wear almost anything and everything that pleases you. And if you are a butterball, do accept, my words will not reduce your size. Also, do not gnarl when I look at that hot chick in micro minis. Have eyes, will see! AND most importantly, I should not be expected to reveal any more than what meets the eye!

After all, life is tough, let's keep things simple - you and I.

No Country for Women

http://bkhush.com/dev/content/no-country-women

Submitted by Ruby Sahay on Wed, 01/23/2013 - 07:09

Posted in 

• B'Informed

 A nation that boasts of a surging economy, growth and potential, burgeoning skyscrapers, Bollywood gloss and above all, of intelligent minds in diligent beings, hangs its head low with shame brought to it by its very own people. Ordinary citizens who reflect the pulse of a nation and leaders who hold the beacon for them, have constantly mauled, mangled and abused the fragment of a civilization that supposedly prides over its socio-cultural value system.
Amid all the growing depravity lies a dysfunctional penal system that not just fails to deliver justice, but fuels a warped and wanton society. For an economy that desires to advance, the prime focus lies in eradicating poverty and unemployment, and creating good governance.
India’s focus has suddenly shifted to issues of women’s rights, safety and respect, and the nation’s much-hyped modernity has taken a beating. All at once it feels that India has moved decades back into the dark ages prior to the socio cultural reforms. Even as, Indians are striving towards an egalitarian society, their progress gets intermittently mowed down by the under- current of gender inequality that raises its ugly head from time to time.

Antipathy towards women and gender based violence begin in the womb, and female foeticide in India is a practice that has reached a horrific proportion. "In a report by the Lancet, the world’s oldest and most respected medical journal, over a 20-year period, ten million female foetuses have been aborted in India".(Courtesy:Gulfnews.com) In a traditional Indian family, a girl is expected to grow up, get married and look after the household of the new family of which she becomes a member. This is what a girl is brought up to do, and this is the sole mission forced upon her. While her parents often live in debt in trying to secure a dowry to get her married, their only hope to relieve them of the burden lies in their son or sons preferably. The son, who is counted on to support his parents and liberate them of their debt, fulfills his role by marrying a woman who brings in a substantial dowry and looks after his parents. Although an outlawed practice, dowry continues to be a social evil in Indian societies. Dowry demands, traditions and cultural beliefs in India, often see a girl as a financial burden and thus result in her death even before she is born. In many cases, she is killed after she is born.  Female foeticide and infanticide are issues that shame India deeply, and the preference for male children makes it an absolute challenge for girls to enter the male dominant society.

For an ordinary Indian woman who finds herself treated merely as a man’s possession and as an object to appease a man's lust, it is indeed a stark challenge for her to live in a male chauvinistic society. In most cases women in India suffer a strong identity crisis in being treated solely as daughters, sisters or wives; why cannot women be treated as distinct individuals “Of all the rich G20 nations, India has been labeled the worst place to be a woman. But how is this possible in a country that prides itself on being the world's largest democracy?”-The Guardian. Gender bias and sexual harassment are experienced, not just in public places, workplaces and institutions, but in the shelter of a woman’s own home. What comes to light now and again is a gross violation of women’s rights and the abuse that they are subjected to. The most influential Bollywood clearly mirrors this sentiment as it warbles bawdy item numbers to which the likes of Sheila and Munni gyrate their pelvis, and lascivious men feed on suggestions. What reeks is a mentality that confines women and disregards their liberation, and thus projects them as the weaker sex that is forever in peril of forfeiting its modesty.  In other words, Indian women face a precarious existence. In view of the latest act of utmost horror that has left a nation convulsed, the spotlight is on rape, violence and a gross violation of women’s rights to peaceful existence.  The recent incidence of the most barbaric rape and murder of the twenty three year old Delhi student has all at once revealed how badly India often treats its women, the extent of sexual harassment prevailing and how a despicable patriarchal society continues to feed on misogyny. With the advancement that India claims to have made in the recent years, nothing much has changed for its people. The struggle for basic education, jobs, shelter for the deprived, and the acute vulnerability that women face in a nation that paradoxically deifies female power, seem to mock at a democracy that often turns complacent with a stray progress made in a stray area. But what about the basic human rights of an entire gender?

Gender based inequality, sexual violence, a largely male dominant society and a rather sluggish judiciary have gnawed into the fabric of one of the largest democracies and a developing economy. Recently the Supreme Court has slammed New Delhi for being a highly unsafe city for women.  Ironically, it is the same people who gawked at the bloody, naked twenty three year old, left to die on the roadside after being brutally gang raped, are today clamoring for justice and safety of women.  The men who stopped by, refusing to offer help to the  bleeding, perishing woman, for fear of being harassed by the police, today fear for the lives of their own daughters, sisters and wives. Thus, the wide spread protests. Leaders who offer suggestions and guidelines to curb sexual abuse and promote safety and security for women, only seem to jeer at the 'weaker sex'. What hurts is the fact that India still fails to see women as individuals who have an equal right to dignified living as their male counterparts.

India’s biggest impediment to advancement lies in its not empowering women and its inability to ensure equality of genders.  Securing and safeguarding women’s rights and interests are the basic steps in the direction. A positive discrimination will possibly help reduce gender bias. Laws to ensure complete safety for women at all times,  wiping out political and judicial apathy towards women’s concerns, and stricter laws not just against rape, but all forms of sexual assault and harassment can help women attain their rightful position in the society.  Women, world over, in various societies face some form of violence and abuse. In India, however, it is the extreme callousness and inhumanity that women suffer, makes their plight deplorable.

Centuries back, Swami Vivekanand related the welfare of the world to the condition of women: “There is no chance of the welfare of the world unless the condition of women is improved”. Of Indian women in particular, he said, “The principal reason why our race has so degenerated is that we have no respect for these living images of Shakti. Manu says,” Where women are respected, there the Gods delight, and where they are not, there all work and efforts come to naught.’’ Decades earlier when Mahatma Gandhi urged men to treat their women with respect, he said, ““To call woman the weaker sex is a libel; it is man's injustice to woman. If by strength is meant brute strength, then, indeed, is woman less brute than man. If by strength is meant moral power, then woman is immeasurably man's superior.” (Young India, 4 October 1930)” As India celebrates Swami Vivekanand’s a hundred and fiftieth anniversary, this piece can be rightly summed up in his words “The best thermometer to the progress of a nation is its treatment of its women.” India, can you hear? Image Source : capariwar.com